The Newfound Purpose of this blog

After looking back at the past few entries I've realized that this blog has naturally become a place for my ideas and inner thoughts. Hopefully by publicly revealing myself and all that I go through and learn I will impart a small bit of insight and knowledge into this world along the way.

To all of those who think High School is the hardest thing in the world and that no one knows what your going through. I know, I know just how suckish High School can be. Its all about "finding yourself"( really its "who do I gossip about next?") But trust me its really not so bad when you look back at it. I went through senior year thinking I had figured myself out, that I had finally stopped caring what people said. Well I am here to tell you that what you figure out in high school will be smashed to smithereens in College. Everyone says that High School is about discovering yourself, well news flash its got nothing on the self discovery College forces on you. It forces you to reevaluate what you care about and what your priorities are. Do you care more about passing that class or pacifying your peers? Would you rather worry about what others think of you or worry about that assignment thats due tomorrow?

Now coming from the perspective of someone who thought hay had already gone through that whole process of time consuming self discovery, finding that you have to do it again is frustrating as h***. But in the end it is a necessary evil(unfortunately). This year has foisted upon me somethings that have made me completely alter how I approach situations and how I see myself. It has told me continuously that I'm not up to the standard, that I don't really know those I thought I knew, and innumerable other things that can bring a person down.

Being told continuously that you aren't good enough, that your opinions count for nothing, that every comment you make is idiotic wears a person down.

In the end you have to decide whether or not you would rather be you or who they want you to be.

Best pick me up song ever!

The Perils of Falling in Love.

So for the past two days I've had a friend, or at least someone I considered a friend staying with me. I considered this person someone who I was really close with because he saved me in a really dark time in my life. I was always told though that he really liked me, I never really believed it until last night. Yesterday they tried to convince me that everything that happened, everything we had experienced never actually happened. This astounded me and I didn’t understand until a really wise person shed some light on the situation.

         He had liked me so much that when he thought that I didn’t like him that way he cut all of those memories that he could out of his memory. Everything we went through, all the time we had spent together all of those memories are gone. It’s how he coped.

         What he never knew is that I loved him just as much, I’ve just been scared so deeply that I get frightened. But to have someone erase you from their life is something I never imagined possible, it was just one of those things that I thought happened only in books. But I am no longer in his.

         The way we cope is as different as our own individual thumbprints. I cope by hiding my heart beneath layers of over-exaggeration and lightheartedness and by refusing to let anyone love me and not letting myself love anyone either. I realize that I do this and it’s not something I relish but it’s hard to let someone in when you’ve been burned so badly. What I’ve learned is that to overcome this I have to let people know about my scars in hopes that they can understand why it’s so hard for me and just maybe love me in spite of them. I never have blocked out the things I’ve been through simply because they are the reason I am who I am today, and to hide them or forget them is to try and change who I am. Those people who have changed me and the marks they have left behind, have made me so much stronger and helped me learn so much more about myself. Without them I would never have found out half of the things I have.

          So to all of you who have been burned, I understand the pain, I understand why you would want to bury them away. Don’t. Take them and learn from them, and never hide them because someday someone will come along who will see them, understand them, and know how to heal them. Until that day comes just find comfort in the fact that you aren’t alone.

Secret milionaire

To any of you who haven't heard or watched this show, watch it!! Its so inspiring to see people who have so much care enough about others to go out find those who are doing so much good with so little and give them donations that help sooo much.

http://www.hulu.com/watch/220755/secret-millionaire-dani-johnson-knoxville-tn#s-p1-so-i0

A virtual hug and the contemplation of letters

So tonight I was sent this video by a friend and it was the craziest thing ever. I actually felt like I had gotten a hug through the internet. I know right?! Who would have thought that you could feel like a person had hugged you just by experiencing a link they sent you? Well folks I'm proud to say that you can send your loved ones a hug through the web, this can be accomplished by contemplating how you feel and finding a video or picture that expresses that. However if your way more talented than me you can always write a letter to them. Now when it comes to letters you could email one or Facebook one but call me old fashioned because I prefer the sent-in-the-mail-written-by-hand kind.  Unfortunately those are rare and with far between.
 If people would write more letters everyone would be happier. I mean who on earth doesn't like getting a letter in the mail? Who doesn't like the feeling of anticipation when opening their mailbox and realizing "yes!!" they have a letter? If you don't you are a sad deprived person because that not-love of letters is there because you never got one so fix it! Send yourself one if you have too!