The Perils of Falling in Love.

So for the past two days I've had a friend, or at least someone I considered a friend staying with me. I considered this person someone who I was really close with because he saved me in a really dark time in my life. I was always told though that he really liked me, I never really believed it until last night. Yesterday they tried to convince me that everything that happened, everything we had experienced never actually happened. This astounded me and I didn’t understand until a really wise person shed some light on the situation.

         He had liked me so much that when he thought that I didn’t like him that way he cut all of those memories that he could out of his memory. Everything we went through, all the time we had spent together all of those memories are gone. It’s how he coped.

         What he never knew is that I loved him just as much, I’ve just been scared so deeply that I get frightened. But to have someone erase you from their life is something I never imagined possible, it was just one of those things that I thought happened only in books. But I am no longer in his.

         The way we cope is as different as our own individual thumbprints. I cope by hiding my heart beneath layers of over-exaggeration and lightheartedness and by refusing to let anyone love me and not letting myself love anyone either. I realize that I do this and it’s not something I relish but it’s hard to let someone in when you’ve been burned so badly. What I’ve learned is that to overcome this I have to let people know about my scars in hopes that they can understand why it’s so hard for me and just maybe love me in spite of them. I never have blocked out the things I’ve been through simply because they are the reason I am who I am today, and to hide them or forget them is to try and change who I am. Those people who have changed me and the marks they have left behind, have made me so much stronger and helped me learn so much more about myself. Without them I would never have found out half of the things I have.

          So to all of you who have been burned, I understand the pain, I understand why you would want to bury them away. Don’t. Take them and learn from them, and never hide them because someday someone will come along who will see them, understand them, and know how to heal them. Until that day comes just find comfort in the fact that you aren’t alone.