The Men who help me get there.

I have regained control of my life and so I feel confident in expressing myself once again.

I once said fairytales are not reality but after close consideration I realized that I am in fact surrounded by them. There are my parents who although not perfect have a fairytale, there is Mr. and Mrs. Blanchette who have a love that many aspire to, there are my grandparents who's love story is that of an opera. They exist its just that sometimes out of jealousy I am blinded and do not see them.

I asked my New York City dad how he knew he had found true love and he told me he knew the second he saw her because he didn't need to look anymore. That is the feeling we all strive for.

I am such a romantic that I will fall in love at the drop of a hat. I fell in love with quite a few men so far. first there was my best friend then there was the asshole next was heath ledger then there was superman...then there was the last one.

The funny thing about me though is I never stop being in love, sure its a different kind of love but its still love. I am not afraid to love those who I thought broke my heart. They never actually did. It was more that they helped me find myself. I still love them and I am lucky enough to still count all of them as friends...sometimes more. Sometimes they are my pillars, sometimes they are my muses, sometimes they are shoulders to lean on, sometimes they are my tethers to earth, and sometimes they are there to catch me kiss me and remind me that I am strong. Whatever they happen to be and whenever they happen to be it I love them.

I leave and have left but I always come back. Its easier to love someone that to hate someone, hate and disgust take to much energy. Plus you get what you put out.

I find that it is easier to be friends but some don't or cant seem to understand. Especially since I am a woman, and women typically don't work that way, at least thats what the stereotype is. Some women are thought to never be able to be just get over it and move on, some cant. Some are angry and vengeful and some try and slyly work things into being what they want.

I may be intense and brutally blunt and many times I say the wrong thing but I never lie. I never beat around the bush. I march through it. You may think "she can't mean that...she's a chick she's trying to do something subversive" believe me I even tell you when I'm going to be tricky (don't blame me because you cant keep up). I am never under the surface, even when I try the surface is glass so its perfectly transparent. I know its hard to understand but it is what it is.

Someday I will meet...in my case more likely run smack into...the one who is my other half, and as a wise man said "you'll just stop. You will feel it click, and that will be that". So for the click I shall wait but I sure as hell will enjoy all the loves I have along the way, for you see I collect Loves like some women collect purses. And occasionally I like to taste them again, never as I did before but really who doesn't like tasting an old favorite every now and again?